There i was partying in Opera; having a fantastic night out. The place was pack, and energy was powerful. The sound busting through my heart, and my friends and new found friends laughed as they go absolutely crazy. It was all hilarious. My... i was laughing, grinning and smiling from cheek to cheek. The world whirling in madness, and the women intoxicating. Bottles and bottles of whiskeys was opened and devoured.
Alas as quickly as we lost our mind, the party wear thin and the liquor in the bottles disappeared. I stood there leaning on the edge, perch on the top in the VIP block, overlooking the club below. I look around, glancing from left to right. Then a strange mellow filling fills my body. The smile in my heart fades. And then an almost dark immense cloud engulf my heart. Numbing it, draining it, leaving an overwhelming feeling of emptiness. The only thing that stopped me from breaking down was the alcohol in my blood, numbing the void in my heart. Every smile on my face then was fake.
I got home. And the feeling grew, but the effect of the alcohol did not wane. I took a gulp of water, pills and supplement and crash into bed. I awoke a mere 4 hours later unable to rest any further. My head was spinning slightly but there were no pain. I felt like puking. But won't allowed it. I walk down the flight of stairs and watch a few shows on the tv. I couldn't shake that feeling still. I was irritated but I ignoring it. I went for breakfast, than watch Inception with a friend. We talk a lot on the story and she swoon over her new found idol, Joseph Gordon-Levit. The movie was great.
We were suppose to go Jazz later tonight. But the reason we weren't was ridiculously hilarious and almost too sad. One of my friend decide to wear shorts to go to the club. How could he i wondered ? I wasn't happy, but we just improvise. Changkat it was then. No Jazz. We drank, sat in the bar call Social, talking. My friend who was just re-hired into his old agency quickly got from depressed self just a week ago, to a happy show-off again. Money does strange thing to him. He was getting back his annoying habit again. He is a good friend, but that doesn't mean a good friend is not annoying. I let him annoy me. I was still feeling the emptiness i felt yesterday and this morning. Whatever he said just wasn't as bad as this feeling. I was dead quiet. Whatever smiles and laughter and banters were all insincere. As the night creep closer to midnight, everyone was bored. They looked bored. The girls were bored. No point staying. I suggested we left. So we left. We walk pass the crowds and people, walking by each bar. I looked around and i knew more so that i have played a terrible hands in life. We all left home after a short meal. I was drained and crashed again. I woke up feeling the void in my heart many times greater. I am being dealt a very bad card in life. A commoner card.Throughout my life i have done everything i could to fight fate. I sacrifice my life, my soul, my sweat and people. But I am losing. Every breakthrough always end with disappointment. And it's only a matter of time before i finally concede and surrendered. You can't win faith? I wondered. No you can. But i don't know how to.
No comments:
Post a Comment