Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Memories of a child

I am now at Starbuck, pretending to chill and work at the same time. Maybe if i stop pretending i be earning some money by now.

Well i just bought the tickets to a comedic theatrics performance "Infernal Affair" which star Douglas Lim and a few other actors. This would be interesting. Wanted to watch the Tuesday night show, but all the ticket have already been sold out. So we would be watching the Saturday show.

I tried waking up today, but it was so difficult. Even when i did, which was really an early seven morning, my body were so tired and exhausted that it just refuse to get up. I struggle and after struggling with myself for almost half an hour, i manage to pry myself off the bed. I really could not sleep anymore, but my body was truly drained. I don't really understand why i was drain. After all, the trip to was a very slow and lazy trip. By afternoon my body dragged me back to bed and refuse to wake up. Even now i feel tired.

The whole trip back to KK was a brimming with nostalgia. A lot of crazy, interesting and happy time was pass here. Being here was almost like coming back home after a long time. The last time i was here, it were four year ago. The whole gang caught up and we went up to Laban Rata in Kota Kinabalu. We chilled, bbq and laugh through the night under the beautiful night star and sky above us. That were one of the more memorable time i had. This place is filled with memories. Seeing the old places, meeting old friend, laughing and just chilling around was perfect. It were so care free. How time moved forward. How friend changed. How life move on. We are no more a child. And all we can grasp, is a few memories of the good old time. Memories. One day we will grow older and all that is left is memories.

Thinking of all of these again, i could feel my heart sinking. All the silly old self being replace with the need to grow up. We have to grow up. We have to improve. We have to kill the little boys and girls in our heart when we grow up. And it hurts when you kill each one of them. And when they all dies, things stop being fun again. Fun has changed. Love has changed. Friend has changed. And everything that is sincere become more of a fleeting memories replace with shrew calculated move and motif. Adult huh. :)

Funny how this reminded me of my previous girlfriend. My friend asked what i love of her and i said i love her sincere, and honest heart. He sincere smile. Now it reminded me of how beautiful her face blush, and how she cried when i gave her a beautiful gift. She dark. I never seen a dark-skin girl blush like that before. It felt beautiful. She was a multiple. And through the year with her, i experienced hell and heaven at the same time. The cry, the pain, the sleepless night was painful but i bear all those patiently. One of the part that hurt me most was saying goodbye to her multiples. It hurt so much every time whenever i have to say goodbye to one of her most adorable multiples. She were like a child i never had and love so much. Saying goodbye was difficult, and holding back my tears, I know it was important for her to let go of them so that she can face her demon on her own. But i really miss them. I guess this is how you would feel when you are a parent with your child leaving you.

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